Home

She beats the odds every time and yet every time I prepare for less than that...just in case. Only 5 days, actually not even five days if you concider her surgery wasn't complete until Thursday evening and she was discharged Tuesday morning, and we were on our way home. How is that possible I ask you?  I mean, really?! Oh my strong, sweet, amazing Ellcy. You will be the cutest "super baby" this Halloween but I don't think you'll be dressing up in a costume,  rather coming in your true form. 

July 16, 2013 we made our way to the PCH parking lot with Ellcy and oxygen in tow. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized the same day my baby girl was well enough to come home another family was saying their good byes as their sweet daughter left this life for her Heavenly home. Talia was a beautiful girl who was very well known for her optimistic attitude during her battle with cancer. That was a very humbling realization, one that I will not forget. The tables could have very easily been turned,  I know that. That possibility doesn't scare me as much as it makes me even more grateful for abundant blessings I've done nothing special to earn. Isn't that incredible? 

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I am truly spoiled.

My arms are happy

It's been rough, as can be expected.  However,  my arms are full of a sweet beautiful strong amazing baby girl which allows my heart to sing a happy song and do the dance of celebration (don't blame the rain on me) :) 

It's hard to believe less than 48 hours ago Ellcy was in surgery and just yesterday my hubby was afraid she wasn't coming home. Yet here I am on the recovery floor with my squishy sweetness who is nearly tube free.

Our bodies, these amazing gifts from God, are absolutely incredible.  And modern medicine?  Completely boggles my simple mind. How eternally and humbly grateful I am to so many that use their talents for good, to bless the lives of countless others. There must be a special place reserved for them in the next life. They were the hands that gave my baby a life when she couldn't do it on her own.

Hard

Surgery #2 is behind us and my body feels like I ran a marathon. ..every muscle is sore, and my heart physically hurts when I look at sweet Ellcy who can't seem to relax even in her sleep. I can't imagine her pain and confusion.  I just want to snuggle her in my arms and whisper in her ear to tell her I'm sorry, life isn't fair, and that she is my hero!

We met a 23 yr old girl today in the lobby of the hotel with hypo plastic left heart. What are the odds?  They didn't do the same procedures then but she has done good and still has her own heart. She even ran on her cross country team in high school. She came in last every time but she finished...that's worthy of a blue ribbon if you ask me, maybe even more worthy.

I love you...no, I adore you and treasure you dear Ellcy, I will do everything in my power to help you through this and pray for all the things I'm unable to do.  May you continue to have countless guardian angels with you every step of the way!

Never ending

Will this day never end? I put my baby in the arms of a stranger over 7 hrs ago.... 7 excruciating hours ago. But we have seen the exhausted surgeon Dr. Burch and are just waiting to get the green light to see my super baby girl again.

I hate tomorrow

Monday July 8, 2013 has come and gone. My baby girl sleeping peacefully next to me at our home. A poor family my heart aches for began their difficult journey when their baby with was born last week with hypo plastic left heart syndrome.  My husband concidered it a compliment that the surgeon could ask to put off Ellcy's procedure so he could operate on this new baby. What a blessing that our little sweetheart is doing so well that that was even an option. So.....why do I hate tomorrow?  Because it is THE day, the day we've known was coming yet could almost pretend it was only a nightmare. Tomorrow is surgery.

Ellcy's "other" mom, or 2nd mom, Devynn spent the afternoon with Ellcy and I at Primary Childrens while Ellcy got xrayed and EKGed and poked. All was well until the poking for a blood sample. She does NOT approve of the taking of her blood. But now she is tagged and disinfected and ready for surgery.....I wish I could say the same. I'm not tagged, I'm not disinfected and I'm certainly not ready. Oh sure, our bags are packed, I've lined up a babysitter for Spark (or Sparkle if it turns out the Beta is a girl) and Henry (or Custard or Guster, depending on who you ask), the kids have a ride so they can join us later after surgery is complete and stay in a hotel, the house is clean, the garden is being taken care of, the laundry is kindof sortof done....but prepared? I think not, I think never. However, atleast I know this go around that I'm not prepared and it will be harder than I can imagine but it's gonna happen and it's all going to be ok.

I know Ellcy Ava Burnham is being watched over and I know the angels will be with her in her operating room tomorrow just as she was promised in her blessing today. I have felt weak and at my breaking point for the last couple of days but today my pleadings to my Father were answered and I was able to find peace. So very many wonderful faithfilled people are praying in her behalf and on the behalf of my sweet family, for that I will be FOREVER humbly grateful.

So, though I hate you Mr. Tomorrow,  I will face you head on with many tears, a renewed supply of hope, and a heart bursting with love.....so there, take that!