How it all began.....

We thought it would be like every other ultra sound we'd had with our 4 other children. Tracy and I both ignored the feeling that he should be there....we'd done it before. But as the doctor got quiet and his expression changed to one of deep concern I knew I wanted Tracy there. "I'm very concerned" the doctor repeated over and over, something about one side of the heart being too small, Hypo..something. I couldn't remember. He led me out to the receptionists desk to help me make an appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine at Utah Valley Hospital. I kept it together until I got to the car and called my hubby. But things would be okay right?

I started researching on the computer until I came across Hypo Plastic Left Heart Syndrome, I think that was what he called it. As I started reading my heart became very heavy and something in me knew this was exactly what we would be dealing with. Tracy and I decided not to say anything to anyone because we really didn't know any thing for sure. It was difficult to act like everything was normal and fine.

Ultra sound #2 arrived and it was just as they thought. They gave us a little bit of information, but not much...they'd leave that up to the pediatric cardiologist, another long wait.

The cardiologist gave us 3 options. #1 Let her come (did I mention she's a girl?) and live out her short life with out medical assistance (1-2 weeks). #2 Wait for a heart transplant (not recommended). Or #3 a series of three open heart surgeries with a  70% survival rate. We immediately chose option 3. Her purpose may be to spend a very short time on this earth but we knew we wanted to do everything we possible could and leave the outcome in the hands of our Heavenly Father.



Tuesday Dec 18, 2012

We've been waiting and worrying for so long, it feels like forever really, but as the day quickly approaches I'm overcome with so many different emotions....most of all fear. My biggest fear? That Ellcy will pass on to the next life and I won't be there. I'll be trapped in a different hospital bed in a separate hospital recovering from my unwelcome c-section. But then, when I feel as though I might be overcome I feel a sense of peace and am reminded again that I don't know the out come, I don't know the purpose, but I do know the One who does know all and loves me, my family, and my Ellcy more than I can even comprehend. That brings me comfort, for surely He will only allow that which is best for us...each of us, and regardless of the outcome we will treasure this experience-someday.

My friend came over and sat with me yesterday (despite my best efforts to keep her away :) She let me cry and talk and complain....she was my angel that day. So many tiny miracles have already come my way, I think that is why I've never been tempted to ask "why me"?.... Why not? Everyone really IS fighting a battle and everyone's battle is just as tragic to them as mine is to me.

Maybe I should apologize, my intent on starting this blog was to keep neighbors, friends, family updated...but I'm beginning to realize it is more for me. So don't feel obligated to read through my thoughts. I'll start posting pictures soon with short updates. (That is if I can figure out the posting pictures part...I am technically challenged).